That Stench

That stench! That stench so strong and so pungent! I move away from him. Eventually, he leaves. Mmmmphhh! I heave a deep sigh. Eewww!!! I look around, I scan the room surreptitiously. I can't find him. Yes, he left but noo, he left the stench behind. He did. I'm repulsed. I can't breathe, I'm choking on that stench. I'm really choking. Thank God. It's my stop now. I stumble out like a drunk, like one rushing towards redemption, I run up the stairs to fresh air. I inhale deeply to cleanse myself of that stench. I walk off towards my destination. 

"Please,  i can pay up. I need more time. I lost all my money but I'm hardworking. I will get a job soon. This recession. Oh lord. M really trying. Please I am. Just give me more time."

She is crying and I look on. I wish I had some money. If I was financially buoyant, I would buy her a house. She is pretty and young. I wonder what happened. I see she can no longer pay for her apartment so she is getting kicked out. What will be her fate after? I hope she has family members. I hope she atleast has a car to stay in for a few days. I hope she doesn't have a little child to take care of. I wish life is fairer to her. I wish...

Her story.

I came from the Dominican Republic at the age of 20. I came with my uncle and his family. After I got here, I decided to go to school and got a degree in liberal arts. I got a small job that was enough for me to get by. I moved out of my uncle's house and moved in with my boyfriend. Together, we could afford the apartment and a comfortable living. He later lost his job during the recession and the pressure separated us. I struggled to continue paying for the apartment and when I could no longer foot the bills, I moved out and got a smaller place. 

Then my job began the troubles. They were beginning to feel the impact of the recession too. First, they reduced our pay, then cut off staff. Needless to say I was cut off like a withered branch of a tree left to fend for myself. With no tree, no root nor stem, I began to dry up even further. I ran from one menial job to the other. I began falling ill, thereby reducing my chances of retention at any job. Before long, I could not go on. I was kicked out just now. " I dnt want to be homeless"

At those words, the stench came arushing. Assailing my senses. I had goosepimples immediately. I looked at the young lady and imagined her with a stench . No. That will be so unfair. I had no money, nothing of my own to give to her. Maybe i tried. I listened to her. I gave her some time. Was I consoling myself or did I really do something for her?. I gave her a hug, got up and told her, "everything will eventually turn out fine". The truth is, I wasn't so sure of that. I just had to say something positive.

I began to think, " what can be the story behind those with the stench?" They probably had homes at one point. They had families. Maybe they were even dealt a very good hand at a certain time. I became scared for her. I dnt know her but I dnt wish the stench on her. I should have asked her to go back to her Uncle's but I could barely say much to her. I felt I owed her 100% of my attention. So, I just listened.

I am thinking now. What's that stench? Could it be a blatant disregard of our high handedness and callousness as a society, a reminder of our successful system but our failure as humans and our responsibilities to others? .

We can't reach out to everyone but can we look upon people with more remorse and empathy?

The stench will not go away; it stays as pungent but with a hidden story line. I still will not enjoy being where the stench is but if I have to, I wnt look on with disgust, but with empathy at the debasement that fate has forced upon a life. I will not relish the stench but I will not be full of righteous indignation. I will use it as a reminder to lend a helping hand when I can and be grateful for all mercies.

I hope she doesn't get to the point of that stench. I look at faces and pray she isn't the one with the stench.

There's always a lesson.

I, like many others tend to find lessons from certain mundane events of life. One came about today while i was in the restroom trying to do NO 2 in my school. it was a mind opening though cliché stream of events.. here goes:

  I got really pressed and was even excited at the thought of the relief i will get after. A lot of things seemed to be working in my favor. one, not a lot of people in school as it is the summer session; hence, i will have the bathroom to my self.


 I went into the bathroom and yes! i was alone. First deal breaker, here comes in this girl. My first thought, she came to do No 1. Alas!!! she came to straighten and curl her hair. I felt like, "oh well, she will have to contend with the smell and the ruptures from my butt hole'. Just as i was feeling all relaxed and ready to let go, here walks in another lady. Instantly, i clenched up and could not let go. I could feel tremors and rumbles in my tummy in reaction to my restraint. I held on and waited in patience. Eventually, they both left at the same time. I was so relieved and decided to let go. Unfortunately, my tummy had stormed off in anger and was no longer interested....


Bringing this home.

 Sometimes in life, we feel that the universe has aligned for our good. We get excited at the prospect of the achievements we are capable of. We trudge on, We plan, we even begin implementing and VOILA!!!. they come in; the criticisms, hindrances, "haters", they mount stumbling blocks, mountains, whats and whatnots.

We cringe, we begin to doubt ourselves and wnt let go. We impede our growth and stifle our dreams and just as they walked in, they walk out. Not looking back at the damages and ruins they left behind. We are left broken, angry and downcast at how easy it is for our dreams to be shattered. In retrospect, we could have stood our ground, made the noise, splattered our s#*t as we desired. We could have walked out relieved and achieved. Instead, we clench up, boiling on the inside at the blatant disregard for us. The truth is

It is our lives. We can do it as we please in as much as our actions will hurt no one. There are people whose jobs are to make the journey stressful but at the end of it all, it makes it worthwhile.


Cyriussly, 
Never let them walk away leaving your dreams in ruins. make your noise, do your thing and even if it doesnt come out as expected, take solace in the fact that you did not allow it to get stifled...

P. S: Sometimes, we are the stumbling blocks ourselves. These people might just be on their journeys also, not paying attention to us. We on the other hand are so worried about their perception of our own dreams and journeys that we undermine our potentials.

LET'S GO PEOPLE!!!

Not willing to fall into the cliché of New Year; new resolution, I decide to anchor it still (grins). Ok, yeah. It’s a cliché that I just went along with. I do not have new resolutions per say; I however have retargeted my past resolutions. The past years have left me with various lessons and somewhere in my head; this year 2013 seems to be the year in which I will exhibit all learnt lessons. I have a really good feeling about this year.

Spiritually,

I believe I started on a somewhat right footing. I have been committed to committing everything to God first. Right now, it might seem like there is no physical difference between this year and the past years; however, my psyche is so different, the energy is way more positive and im going around in high spirits. Im so spiritually spruced that even if anything goes unplanned (negatively) at this point, I believe it is to pave way for something even greater than I could have planned. Yes, I am that positive.

i dont know why whenever i think , spiritual fulfillment/wholesomeness, i think some kind of yoga pose. there must be something about yoga and meditation that transcends the usual. perhaps, it is the blend with the spiritual. it just seems to merge the body,soul and mind in harmony in a way that brings inexplicable peace.

Physically,

I am taking baby steps towards living a healthy life. cutting down my cake and chocolate consumption, increasing my H2O consumption, portion control and converting my gym to a shrine. In fact, im considering the hot yoga. 

For those who have done this before, how is it? my Asian friend thinks its the best thing for anyone. I'm not so confident about that. It requires you doing the yoga in a room with a high temperature of about a 105 degrees. The heat is supposed to help burn off fat while softening you up for flexibility. oh well, i am not even done with regular yoga.

Intellectually,

I am doing a book for a week bonanza for myself. It is regardless of what kind of book it is, as long as there is the propensity to impact knowledge therein, and then it is a book.

Financially,

Hmmm, this one, I can’t even tell all. Just watch out for me on FORBES, #darrisall#.

ITS FORBES BABY!!!!!

For the other parts of growth and development, we shall see. I will also keep you updated..

This is going to be a great year for all.

Stay tuned.. thoinx

LESSONS

 I am in a constant process of transformation. I learn from any and everything. When I look at d birds, I learn the freedom to fly. Even if I never grow wings, I take solace in the fact that was I to grow them; there is a sky to fly in. When I look at the ants, I learn d lesson of storing for rainy days, d knowledge that d ants start from a little bit of clay attached to another before the colony teaches me the lesson of perseverance and determination. Nothing explains a journey of a thousand miles beginning wit a step like them. As I go on in life and see how d minutest of decisions can fulfill or alter the plans of our lives,

I've made it a duty to think thrice, check my thought again and again, Never to live for the approval of others, to strive for self actualization, to quit taking defeat while I stoop, to always explore the opportunity to be better, to see d good in others no matter how difficult it might be, to love fiercely, To despise just a little, to forgive and not necessarily forget, to acquire the humility of great men, to be undisturbed by other people's business, to make sure to at least pay a good deed forward everyday, to respect the feelings of others even if I don’t understand them, to stay away from grudges so I don’t overload my heart, to passionately seek that which pleases, never to give up and ultimately, to share the love of God abroad my heart and the hearts of others. lessons keep me in a constant process of transformation...

CHANGES

Inspired by a blog that I read which had something to do with personality changes over time, I decided to write a little something about certain changes in my life too. Not necessarily personality now, more like my change in taste of men.

1-6 years: I was intensely in love with my dad.

 This age range showed me in intenseandwhoopingslapacrosstheheadswooningeyesdramatic love for my dad. Everything he did just seemed extremely right. I wanted to have his kind of clothings, wanted to speak like him, infact, I “adore-lized” him.

6-10 years, I began to realize the presence of other men.

At this range, I began to explore the possibilities of the existence of variations in the male specie besides my father and my elder bro (I never noticed my bro tho, eyes rolling and sucking teeth). I really did not fantasize about any man for a while. As I edged on closer to 10 years, I remember having a real crush on certain looking boys in my elementary school. At that point, I can clearly say I was attracted to good looking and serious minded boys. I had a strong thing for boys with good grades and great style (not that there was much of style as we were mostly dressed in uniforms). U knw that line between a nerd and a rad boy?...well, yh, that point.

I moved into the realms of 11-15, stuck in the rut stage.

For starters, I realized at this point that I wasn’t one of the cool girls…at ALL!!!!. I was constantly attracted to guys that will not even take a look twice. I was quite attractive with pretty good looking body, but I guess the guys I liked in elementary school felt like it was time for them to like me, while I had moved on to totallycoolwithoutgoodgradeskinda guys. Unfortunately, these kinda guys saw me as good girls so dint want me. Then, ghost of recent past began haunting me; the guys with good grades!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, they still dint have style. The ones who had style and liked me just dint have good grades…sad

16-to God knows when..still wondering

I began to explore more options. I fell in love with various kinds of people. I however realized that I met quite a number of gutsy males. If a guy is cool with good grades but is not willing to be a lil unpredictable or even seem a bit crazy, then, he isn’t worth the effort. Crazy is quite objective. I do not mean rave staking mad, I just want someone who might think outside the box a lil more. Not extremely abstract and unconstructive acts, nah…just a brother who knows how to make this sometimes dreary world worth living beautifully. I actually came to a conclusion that, good grades, coolness and “raddity” would not make the man. It’s all about how we all deal with one another. It will not suffice to say I have met my perfect match as at now, or I am deeply satisfied with all that there is, but I can guarantee that I will put my best into whatever it is that I have and try to continue to move. If my taste changes, I want the subject of my affection to be ready to be the new taste I might acquire. I am not willing to change the subject, just willing to tweak the characteristics.

Take this moment to appreciate the special ones in your lives. Make them know how far a journey it has been from childhood, and after various eliminations from the loving daddy stage till now, they are the last men standing. Happy Valentine

Thoinx…

Like a proverbial child.

I constantly stalk the blogs of others, leave with no form of comment and at most, with a few words. As I look back at my life, I realize I’ve always been that kind of person; one who comes and leaves highly unnoticed. That is not to say im boring considering the fact that everyone around me sees me as quite vocal and crazy. It is however that part of me which just finds it highly unnecessary to voice every of my opinion. Other times, I just feel like it’s highly unnecessary to bother the world with my self-propagating ideas. it all comes down to my lack of updates and tales on my blog despite the fact that my life has been considerably eventful. If I had to write a journal, I would have had to come up with something so I wonder why nothing pops as interesting when it comes to updating my blog. I did an intense soul searching and realized that I have a chronic case of procrastination and a high level of inconsistence. This is not only in my writing but in almost all ramification of my life. I have a very low level of consistency, I get bored with every and anything and in quick time too, I can sit still but in a restless manner as my very own thoughts come out in splurges like a #randomnopatternpainting#.

I am trying to make some decisions, not necessarily a new year’s resolution as the confining sentence in itself is enough to get me breaking all the rules. I need to up my game on all spheres of my life. I need not be too hard on myself. I have to learn to appreciate the baby steps and look towards a grand picture. I have to know when my goals seem too far-fetched and perfect in order to either revamp or infuse some beautiful imperfections. In all, I just need to do sth.

Im quite laid back but im extremely serious on the other end. Im not complicated but im not as easy as that sounds. Regardless of  all these, im grateful to have this blog, the few readers right now and the eventual multiple readers. Im grateful for an opportunity to be aware of my weaknesses and the willingness to work on them and above all, im grateful for the gift of life.

Life is a blank board, you are the painter;be a protégé and come out with ur best painting….mcyriuss

Thoinx

Open relationships

OPENNESS

I am real sorry that I have barely even started before playing out a major truancy on my blog. Reasons for this misdemeanor are:

1.   Im in my junior year in college and the workload is getting exceptionally back breaking

2.    I have a major flaw of procrastinating…(pls make it a prayer point for me)

3.   I have decided to allow this excuses to rob me of a good blogging experience…sad

Well, well, well, to the basics. Hw have my blogville family members been?... I was going through a recent edition of an Ebony magazine when I came across the article on open relationships and various points of view on it. To say Im bewildered by the recent trends of atrocities in marriages is to say the least. I believe the proprieties of marriage have been seriously compromised. I cannot for the life of me understand how two people who are supposed to be exclusive partners find it quite acceptable to sleep with other people and still consider their relationship exclusive.

I can understand helping my partner to actually come to terms with his sexual orientation if I begin to suspect the brova of being on the down low, I can imagine breaking a pan on his head for sleeping with another sister, but actually consenting to such a relationship while I philander away on my own side is beyond me. Okay, what is the point of the marriage?

Various excuses have come up for this poor arrangement:

1.   To avoid divorce…duhhhhh

2.   Each partner is not the prettiest nor the best… for realz?????

3.   …and many more sorry excuses.

Whether I susbscribe to this or not is not an issue. I just think these educated and enlightened folks are really slow for all they think they know. Come on, my ancestors have opened up relationships tey tey. Many Africans have tales of grandparents and various step grandparents. Nonmonogamy has worked then for lack of ignorance as these people said. They felt those African folks were barbaric hence the ability to sustain more than a wife to man. It is however quite interesting that they have decided to garnish the same practise of “POLY”gamy and the other polies and name them Open relationships. In a society where sexual orientation is no longer certified by gender, how much more danger are we ready to accept? If there is an open relationship, then the institution of marriage is crumbled. The future of many other institutions also face extinction. How open are we to this new trend of “openness”….

Have a funfilled week everyone